I have a very serious topic to share with you!
You know I, Lichen the Brownie, am not one to blab on and on and on at the mouth about all sorts of things–even if you don’t want to hear it, so much that you have to fold your ears in half and wrap some twine on them–but today I MUST tell you this: pixies are being treated horribly, every day! This isn’t fair!
Pixy-tossing has become a popular sport among the magic-born peoples, in particularly the oh-so-grumpy goblins, who have no problems fending off the Pixy Protectors, equally grumpy fauns who just care about their little pixy friends. These goblins make special trips to the caves just to snatch pixies from their cozy little resting places and stuff them into large burlap sacks. These sacks chafe your skin! It’s horrible! I know, from experience, having spent an night or two testing out a burlap sack hammock and thereafter deciding against it. Brownies need to protect our skin, you know, and keep ourselves looking splendid.
And so do pixies. Ok, I admit. They aren’t the most pretty little things you ever did see, but they are so full of laughs and they’re always trying to hug you. I’d hug them back, but they’re so clumsy with their sharp claws that I keep getting scratched! I know they don’t mean to do this. Pixies are always up for fun games, like playing tag. They’re always IT, trying to catch me, but I’m LICHEN! I’m a BROWNIE! (Sorry Cuzzie Moss) Brownies, especially ones as nimble as I am, are fast!
Pixies have tried all kinds of things to catch me when playing tag, including setting silly little traps. They even look like they have real wooden spikes that snap shut! Really, they do! I think they must love me a lot to go to so much effort, but I’m too good, and I don’t believe in pretending to be caught. That would be a lie! And you know lying would just make my knees quake, and then I couldn’t do somersaults, which is just sad.
But. Back to the point, lovelies! Pixy-tossing is wrong! The competitors grab a wriggling pixy from the scruffy burlap sack, getting a tight grip around both feet, then they all line up–usually on a nice green meadow if there’s a nice green meadow around. Then there’s usually a line of trees a ways off, probably 235 brownie leaps ahead, with some really gnarly branches that stick out every whichway. Leaves are sparse. I’ll say this much in the goblins’ favor–they do pick a lovely scene for a game, even if it’s immoral! Even if it’s just so SO SO WRONG!
Then they bring the largest horse, usually led by the judge. He’s usually a really short goblin, but I don’t know why. Nearly shorter than me! So anydeehoo … the judge will reach up at some point and flick the horse’s ear, and at that point the horse gets pretty annoyed–probably because games are too frequent and therefore his ear gets flicked so often that that ear is starting to get all bent out of shape compared to the other ear–and the horse stomps just once, loudly.
Then the competitors start swinging the pixies around. They get to do three swings before they release in the direction of the trees.
Have you ever heard a flying pixy? It’s a sad thing. They whine, each of them, without fail as they hurtle through the air toward the trees at a speed fast enough to make you want to cup your eyes, but you don’t anyway because it’s morbidly fascinating and the whine is such a weird little drone from these little guys.
Whoever gets his or her pixy to land on the highest branch wins. Ties are broken by throwing a second set of pixies and seeing who can land their second pixy on top of their first pixy. That’s pretty much it. They land with thuds and go quiet for a little while. Goblins usually let them go home after, but I think this is just so they can recover before the next game!
Lovelies! Let’s not allow the pixies to be treated this way any longer! Just make a stand for pixy rights today!
How you can help: We will have a march through the goblin village at midday on this coming Sunday! Bring your colorful clothes to draw attention, bring your singing voices, bring your best goat milk, bring your good cheer to support these misunderstood little creatures.
Meanwhile, study The Goblin Road to learn more about pixies, fauns, and other interesting creatures such as brownies like me. I’m the star, after all, in a very subtle way…
Ta!
Lichen The Brownie, Grand Commentator of BrownieTalk.
4 replies on “Why Pixies Shouldn’t Be Tossed”
I promise not too!
you are awesome!!!!!!!!!!
this is the best book ive ever read.
Thanks for the high compliment! I appreciate it and I’m glad you’ve enjoyed the book. 🙂