LOLIn 1996, when I first started seeing LOL, I LOLed a lot. It was LOL LOL LOL all over the place in chat rooms. LIke every other sentence. I must have thought the world was hilarious.

As the years passed, LOL started to annoy me. A lot. I said, “LOL, shut up! Be gone!” and stopped using it. Eventually every LOL I saw started to make me feel practically sick to my stomach and I am not even kidding. I can’t stand them. I hate them so much that if I were President of the United States, I’d want to ban them. That’s right, censorship! I am for free speech except for hurtful language and LOL. LOL is the devil’s giggle.

But, I lose. It’s over. LOL won. LOL bested me. LOL is the cockroach in this verbal apocalypse that exists online. There is no stomping it out. It’s over. The white flag has gone up and I see there is nothing to do but either continue being grouchy when I see it or find some way to accept its vile existence. So LOL LOL LOL.

LOL LOL.

Bleh. I dislike this post. But I think it is necessary, because I don’t want to feel sick to my stomach over a ridiculous phrase that is so overused and lacking in imagination and that doesn’t actually save anything more than one letter because you could simply say “haha” and let’s face it, you are probably not really laughing out loud 90 percent of the time therefore most of the LOLs are a lie!

Whoop, ranting is a slippery slope.

LOL LOL LOL. Lol? Lol! LOLOLOLOL!

Yeah, I kinda went insane. It’s alright. I am reining it in now.

You have to understand, I love language. I love the English language. I love real words that really give you a clear visualization of what you are trying to express. And if there’s gibberish, I love creative gibberish. Urgha blehgumeh? Ryaj! That is fantastic. LOL is just gum stuck on the bottom of our shoes that we reuse. Yeah, that gross.

So here’s my surrender. LOL’s army is too vast. I am outnumbered. I resign myself to LOL’s continued existence and will try to come to peace with it.

Be aware, however, I may have to resort to imagining some cute little furry woodland creature popping out from behind a tree every time you say LOL so I can imagine that creature saying it. Cute little furry woodland creatures make everything better.

LOL. ‘Scuze me while I get the barf bag.